(M)ad Campaigns

The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth.
  - Edith Sitwell

There are a few ads that are entertaining; but only a few.  Most of them do not entertain and leave you wondering why you should buy that particular product.  You’ve seen them on television, on-line or in print.  Here are a couple of examples of what I mean.

“Whether you suffer from high blood pressure, acne, the heartbreak of psoriasis, arthritis, halitosis (bad breath), depression, gingivitis, dandruff, hang nails, dry skin, we have the remedy for you.  Just apply our product for 97 days straight and your troubles will be over.  We offer a 21 day money back guarantee if you’re not satisfied.  Our product will be mailed to you direct from our secret lab in Honduras.  Order now!”

Of course, any remedy worth its salt must have a secret ingredient, usually with a name you cannot pronounce, starting with an “x”.  It is an ingredient so secret that no scientist has ever heard of it, but it sounds good.  Then, of course, there is “BL Regularis”.  How can you argue with that to keep you regular?

Then of course there is the fine print, or in the case of TV ads, the part spoken in a hushed voice and so fast the speaker never even takes a breath. “I know I am at risk of high blood pressure, heart attack and stroke, male pattern baldness, early dementia, various kinds of cancer, loss of libido, fainting spells and sweaty palms from taking this product, but it sure has cleared up my skin rash.”  

How about the ones which promise, if you drive the right kind of car or use the right deodorant, that you will be sought after by the most beautiful women in the world, make CEO of a Fortune 500 company by the time you’re 23, let you retire at 40, and have the most handsome family in the neighborhood.  What would happen if everyone drove that same car and used that deodorant?  There wouldn’t be enough companies or beautiful women to go around.  Now what?

Then there are the TV ads where the directors seem to believe that their announcer must yell as loud as he can, and speak as fast as possible.  They get more words in that way, even if you, the listener, can’t keep up. Or maybe that’s the point.

And then there are beer commercials.  In the real world, when you drink as much beer as the people in the ad, you would weigh about 300 pounds.  But, no, in the ads, the more you drink the skinnier and more muscular you become.  How about those ads which talk about how cold their beer is?  Anyone who actually savours the taste of beer knows that at that cold temperature you can’t taste a thing, among other reasons being that you lips get numb and your larynx freezes.  It’s like telling someone to freeze whisky and then savour the aroma.  

Ads today seem to, not so much inform, but confuse.  The play to “lifestyle” is one of the favourite themes.  You can change your whole lifestyle by using our product.  I don’t know what my lifestyle is, or is supposed to be.  I’m too busy living life to even worry about it. There is no question that the average ad is designed to reduce your IQ.  Do they really expect you to believe most of what they say, or are the pretty pictures supposed to suffice.  Those scantily clad babes and hunks are not there to demonstrate the product; they are there to distract you so you won’t spend too much time thinking about the inane things they are saying.

The best thing to do with ads is to make fun of them; to reveal the stupid things most of them are talking about; laugh at the irrelevant images that they show.  In other words, have fun with ads.  They may be the most humorous things you see on television or social media.

Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad.
  - George Bernard Shaw