Eating Pie from the Wrong End

I admit it.  I eat pie from the wrong end.  I start with the crust and eat my way into the middle.  I have done this as long as I can remember.  I can remember doing it when out on dates in high school when we would end the evening at a favourite restaurant and have pie and coffee.  Cherry pie was my favourite in those days.  I don’t think I have had cherry pie since I was in college.  My thinking on eating pie this way is that I want to get the least tasty bit out of the way first, and then concentrate on the best parts. 

We probably all do things that are not in accordance with the “normal’ as determined by what most other people do.  There are other things I do and believe in that do not conform to what is considered the norm in our society.  I consider myself religious, but I do not adhere to any of the beliefs of any denomination.  I have political beliefs that don’t necessarily coincide with any political party.  Despite many years in the military, I do not agree with many of the decisions that are made by them and their political masters.

One of the things that I really don’t agree with is the way our privacy is being eroded in the name of “security”.  Security is equated with forestalling terrorist attacks.  This threat is seen by many as the price we must pay form “freedom”.  But let’s look at this a bit more logically.  There are many, many ways to die quickly and violently in our everyday lives.  Traffic accidents kill many more of us every year that any terrorist attack could.  The same applies to sports accidents, murder, falls (the leading cause of injury to the elderly) and choking on food.  We may also die suddenly from stroke, heart attack and a number of other health issues.  And yet, we are most insecure about the possibility of terrorist attacks!

This fear has become the rationale for recording your phone calls, reading your e-mail and spying on citizens of our own country.  The problem in giving up our privacy is that we will never get it back.  Once it is gone, it is gone.  We rely on a benevolent government to collect and store this information, and to use it properly.  But governments are not always benevolent.  Can you imagine all of this information being available to Richard Nixon and his paranoia?  With the severe partisanship being experienced in North American governments today, can you really trust the government if you happen to disagree with them.  I’m not talking about treason or threats; I’m talking about supporting the opposition or disagreeing with the government of the day’s policies.  Maybe I should watch what I’m saying here. 

And let’s not forget the hackers who have shown themselves so adept at getting into the supposedly most secure computer networks. (The only secure computer is an off-line computer.) Who knows what they could do with access to this sort of information. 

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not paranoid nor am I a conspiracy theorist.  I just like to retain a certain amount of privacy and, like eating pie from the wrong end, like to look at issues from the other end.

70!!!!

I’m about to turn 70.  Or as Abraham Lincoln might have put it “three score and ten”.  Can you believe it?

There was a time when I wasn’t sure if I would last through my forties.  But here I am, still alive and kicking. 

So how does it feel to be seventy?  Not bad really.  My wife and I still have our health and life is comfortable, if not luxurious.  Do I miss my younger years?  Let’s see.

My school years were not very exciting.  Nothing stands out about them except my uncertainty and shyness.  There was no burning love or much excitement.  It was just a time when I went to school and looked forward to the day it would be over.

Then there was college – military college actually.  It was certainly a time of great change.  Away from home for the first time.  A host of brothers, at last.  Lots of hard work and quite a bit of fun.  But the work was hard and I was never sure if I would survive from one term to the next.  The uncertainty was still there.  And still no real love life, although there were some interesting girls.  I guess that was the period when I grew into a man.  A young, inexperienced man, but a man nonetheless.  I must admit that there were some lifelong friendships made there, and some of them I still cherish to this day.  But do I want to relive it?  Once was enough, thank you.

Then love came within months of leaving college.  There was a quick courtship and a marriage in less than a year of leaving college.  It wouldn’t last they said.  It has been worth it to live this long and to prove how wrong “they” could be.

And then there was a naval career.  That was definitely interesting and included a lot of travel and hard work (again).  The Navy probably defined my life because not only did it keep me employed until I was 45, it drove my career and my interests even after I left. 

During this there came family life.  Three children dominated our lives for 30 years, and they still are the most important people in our thoughts.  The three of them had to put up with my frequent absences from home, often putting my wife on the spot.  She, the wonderful woman that she is, had far more to do with bringing the children up than I ever did.  Eventually, each child, now grown, left home and made a life for themselves in three different places across Canada.  And they all now have families of their own.

Is there any of those years that I want to return to?  There may be a couple of things along the way I would like to change, but they are derived only through hindsight.  I still have my wife, my lover and best friend.  In many ways it seems better now that we can live for ourselves and relish all of the little secrets we have learned about each other along the way.  My naval career is an interesting period to look back on, but no longer anything to look forward to.  The challenges of child rearing are behind us and since all three children have grown into responsible, interesting people, it is much more rewarding to spend time with them now. My working life since leaving the Navy was not all a happy experience, with for a time, bad bosses and insecurity.  There are only so many put-downs you can put up with.  It also coincided with the worst time in my life when I battled depression and had it held over my head by company management.  It was only in the last few years of my working life that I found a job that was interesting and fulfilling.  And after I officially “retired” from that job, I was kept busy with part time work at the same company.  But that is about to change.  Work will end just about the time of my actual 70^th birthday.  I won’t miss it.

There was one more accomplishment to remember – the writing and publication of a book, “We Are as One”, the story of one of the really dark episodes of my naval career and ultimately the cause of my depression through PTSD.  It was rewarding to write and to see the reaction of many of my shipmates who survived the episode with me.  It was a catharsis when I still struggled with the residue of depression.  But that accomplishment has only whetted my appetite for more writing.  And I cannot do that if I am still working or spending my time reliving my past.

And what of now and the future?  For me, I’m where I want to be.  I have a loving wife, a home that we have made our own including my library of books that I love, a great dog, and our health.  I also feel that for the first time in a tumultuous life, I finally have a handle on things: on the meaning of life; on religion and its importance; on the things that make life worth living; and on the importance of family and friends.

 And then there are the grandchildren.  I didn’t mention them before, but they are the future.  We love all eight of our grandchildren from the three year old twins to the 21 year old young woman, plus our months old great-grandson.  No, we don’t see them enough, but when we do, we relish their company.  I have developed a creed:  grandparents corrupt; grandfathers corrupt absolutely.

Is there anything I miss?  Well, now that you mention it, I have wondered where my waistline has gone.